Camp day three Conquering the caves

This is my day three story of camp. I've added my success criteria because this is a piece of writing going in to my evidence book and I will assessed on it so please tell me what you think using the criteria.

WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for 

the reader

YOUR SIGNS OF SUCCESS

• begins in the action
• present tense (I am, not I was)
• short, sharp sentences
• strong verbs
• uses the senses (look, feel, hear, taste, smell)
• language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
• show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)

Conquering the caves

I’m climbing down the long muddy ladder I touch the ground woops! I slip and go zooming through the mud. I finally stop just before I fall into a hole “that was close,” I say as I get back in line. I climb up into the cave it is really dark and I turn on my torch. A mud ball comes flying past my head and I get a splash of mud on my nose. Ellis and Lily were throwing mud balls at each other they just can’t stop fighting. I look back and they're both covered in mud, Ellis looks like he has a mustache and Lily looked like she had mud for lunch. I laugh as I carry on through the cave. I reach the top I scramble up a slippery slimy rock. Richard helps me and I make it to the top. I can’t wait for the next cave.

We walk on through to a dry shelter where we have a snack. but we don’t stay for long. I clamber up the hill to the weta cave. The weta cave is not as dark as the last cave so we leave our torches off. I was not able to see any weta which was a bit disappointing but it’s ok because I’ve seen lots today. The weta cave is over quickly but we still have one left.

It takes us a little while but we eventually arrive at the last cave. This cave is very wet and muddy. I see a weta as we trudge through the cave and it’s a big one about about 6 cm long. Not long after the weta we come across a spider. It is the biggest one I've ever seen. The spider is sitting under a  hole in the roof. There's water dripping down from the hole and makes a little creek. We reach  the end of the cave and the creek has become one big dirty puddle. Take a step in SPLASH! the water instantly soaks into my socks it feels like I’m walking through mud in baer feet. I slowly make my way through the puddle my shoes squelching all the while. At the end of the puddle there is a big ladder at the top of the ladder there is light. Sadly the caving is over but at least I won't be walking around in my soaking wet shoes anymore.